Whether you are getting hitched to your partner in an arranged marriage setup or marrying your partner after years of being in love, initiating the family planning talk with your fiancé is difficult and awkward.
There are plenty of questions running on your mind – what to do if your partner wants to start a family immediately after marriage, while you may wish to delay childbirth? The reasons for delaying kids are many – to focus on careers, to get to know each other better or to just enjoy each other’s company for a while, before taking on the responsibilities of bringing up a kid.
Whatever be the reason, it’s essential that you discuss family planning with your partner before you tie the knot. However, this is easier said than done. It’s a delicate subject that may open up heated arguments and debates, especially if you aren’t on the same page.
Here, in this post, you can find some expert tips on how to approach this sensitive topic with your fiancé, without hurting each other’s feelings.
Tip #1: Analyse your reasons for wanting to or not wanting to have kids
Whether you want to raise a family immediately after marriage or delay kids for a while, make sure to analyse your specific reasons. Do you feel pressurised into having kids just because your friends have kids? Or do you feel like your biological clock is ticking? Or do you want to delay having kids till you get promoted? How long do you want to delay kids?
Before you have the conversation with your fiancé, spend some time examining your reasons. Write them out in detail, as this helps you prepare for the conversation with your would-be.
Tip #2: Find a good time to talk
Cornering your would-be amidst hectic wedding shopping, with a dozen relatives in tow is not a smart strategy. Make sure to get your fiancé alone and in a relaxed mind before you have this conversation.
For instance, you may tell your partner, that there’s something that you would like to discuss with him about your future and ask him a right time for a discussion. A relaxed weekend brunch alone with your partner, in a less-crowded café or restaurant can be an excellent time to have this conversation.
Tip #3: Put away distractions
Having the family planning talk, while your fiancé is working on his laptop or over the phone is not the right approach to take. Once you get your fiancé at the decided venue, make sure that both of you can devote your full attention to the matter. Keep your phones on silent mode and sit down face to face to initiate the conversation.
Tip #4: Express how you feel
Be honest with your would-be. Tell your partner openly about how you feel about kids, and why you would like to have them immediately after marriage or delay childbirth. Use the notes you prepared earlier to help you explain your viewpoint. State your reasons in a calm, clear voice, providing as many explanations as possible.
Tip #5: Listen to your fiancé’s viewpoints with an open mind
Once you have stated your reasons, it’s essential that you listen to your partner’s viewpoints. Make sure that you maintain eye contact with your partner, while he’s speaking and don’t interrupt until he’s finished.
Ask your fiancé if he has any questions about family planning and be prepared to provide him with further guidance on the topic.
Tip #6: Agree to disagree
Once he’s done, if both of you are on the same page, then it’s great. But there are chances that you may not be able to reach a conclusion that works for both of you. In such cases, make sure that you agree to disagree, without hurling abuses or harsh words at each other. You may have to conduct several talks before you both agree. This is okay and quite normal.
Be respectful of each other’s wishes. If you disagree, then make sure that you spend some time listening to your partner’s suggestions and his reasons. Hold off the talk for now and make plans to have it sometime later.
Finally, don’t put off having the discussion
Discussing family planning and childbirth even before you are married may feel awkward and embarrassing for both. But this is a discussion, that all engaged couples should have to avoid problems and arguments after marriage.
Be open, honest and clear about your feelings. Don’t feel pressurised into making a decision that both of you aren’t comfortable with.
While discussing the introduction of family planning and your views on it with your partner before marriage may feel awkward but it’s a meaningful discussion to have – one that builds trust between you and your would-be and helps you start your life together on the right foot.